Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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