probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
