I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
