i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it's like iHOP with fire
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
