2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
