So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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