I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
