I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
