New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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