Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
