i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
