matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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