Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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