jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Randomize
