no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
