I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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