Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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