i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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