Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I can't turn off my feet"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I am one with the molecules
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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