How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
