just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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