A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
