I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
