Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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