32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
