i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
