I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
