u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i now understand why vodka
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
