All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
