the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
