You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
