im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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