the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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