Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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