Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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