some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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