I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
