It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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