I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
