I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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