I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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