I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
