so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
