Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
