some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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