Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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