I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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