I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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