cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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