no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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